Pantsless Robot Dr

Firstly, (that is a word, right?) I know I need to do a wrap up on the Lent posts. I will. Give me time. You’re not the boss of me.

I’m sick. Started last night, felt like strep. Strange considering I don't have tonsils. I don't have tonsils because I used to get strep so much. (By the way, I asked for them to be put in a jar so I could keep them. Didn't happen.)

I schlep to the Minute Clinic outside my neighborhood, looking like the Outbreak monkey. Get in there just after it opens and there’s already a line. 

Great.

I wait patiently, trying not to look at the sickies around me: patients zero, one and two. After about 30 minutes, I’m called in…to the medical closet. That’s about how big it is. The gal looks too young to be a doctor, but that seems to be how it is these days. Also, she has on scrubs, so I figure I can trust her. She points me to the exam table. I look at it.
There’s a wrinkle in this paper. How can there be a wrinkle on clean paper? Did she not change it after the last patient? Oh, I’m changing this, that guy looks way worse than me. He made the Outbreak monkey sick.

She walks in while I’m changing it, gives me a look, then closes the door. 
        I don't know why you are looking at me. There was a wrinkle in the paper!

I'm asked all the usual questions, my responses are put into the computer. Then, she smiles too big a smile, stops typing, and asks me if perchance I would like to see the virtual doctor? 
Virtual doctor? Wait, what? What are you? You have on scrubs!

She waves her hand out to the side -  like it’s the 50s and she’s showing me the newest Edsel - toward a TV on a cart. It has a camera on it and other techy stuff.
A robot? Is she asking me if I want to see a robot doctor? Is that what's happening? What is this? Who am I? Jane Jetson? Where is the doctor!

“There is a doctor there that you will see on the screen.” 
This is actually happening! She’s asking if I want to see a robot doctor! 

“A lot of folks do it.” 
A lot of folks do it? This is her hook? I don’t think she is old enough to remember Jonestown. 

“There’s a camera that you will put in your ears, nose and throat to be examined.”
Woah, woah, woah, right there, missy. 1. I didn’t go to medical school, ok? I don’t have scrubs. And, I’m pretty sure I’m not qualified to put a camera in my head holes for medical purposes. 2. I’m not at all comfortable being virtually examined by somebody who may or may not have on actual pants. 

“But,” I say, giving the robot doctor a skeptical look.  “I’m pretty sure I have strep.”  

“Oh, I will give you a strep test.”
YOU are going to give me strep test? What are you?

“I’d like to see a human doctor.”

She smiles at me like I’m visiting from the past, then gets the thingy to swab my throat. 
          Are you qualified to do this? Is that even a real scrub suit? You can get them at halloween. Did you get it at halloween? I've seen them for sale at Walmart but I figured that was just for people who wanted to look like doctors. Oh my word, is that what's happened here...?

       The swab hurts, adding insult to injury. 

I go to the little medical closet next door presumably to see a doctor. She's dressed like one.
Oh, a lab coat! Now we’re talking! She too looks too young to be a doctor, but she’s wearing a lab coat so…

“How are you?” she asks with a smile.

“Um, crummy?” Why do doctors ask that?

“Ok, Mrs. Carla, you do have strep. So, we will give you some antibiotics. You know, I’ve never had strep. My kids get it. Me? Never had it. My whole life. I just don’t. Funniest thing.” She giggles.

“Hmm, how about that. Is it too late for me to see the pantsless robot doctor?"

"The what?"

"Nevermind..."