Better Blogging #3 / We are all Hossenfeffer

If you are just joining the show, I have been scouring the internet looking for advice on how to make my blog better. Here is another gem.

Invite Comments!

Consider your comments invited. I have the little comment thingy after the blog. What else do I need to do? Send all my readers an Evite? How weird would that be? Plus, I’m not sure how to make an Evite. I’m pretty computer Amish. If you ever wonder how an ape would react to being given a lap top, just check my webcam and watch me write. Also, how do I turn on my webcam?

Actual picture of me writing. That's my favorite
writing shirt.

The real irony of requesting comments - the opinion sort -  is that we live in a time when, more than ever, opinions are less meaningful yet more consequential. Folks peck in words without considering that readers won't hear their tone, see their expression or ever have a clue of their impetus for writing it in the first place.  For that reason, what is posted can be misunderstood, the meaning lost. However, if there is damage that can be done, it's done did.

I also think the whole thing, the ease in which we can chunk opinions out here, can give some folks an over-inflated sense of self. You are important, make no mistake. God created you. Christ died for you. Starbuck’s will make your coffee to order no matter how bizarre the recipe and call out whatever name you give them. (I’m Hossenfeffer) But, no one is more important than anyone else (We're all Hossenfeffer) and for some reason that darn little comment entreating rectangle with the blinking cursor can delude folks into thinking they are. Don't believe me? Check out reactions when two people disagree. Those two people will go at it Thunderdome style. 

"I love marshmallows." "Marshmallows are awful." "You're a racist!" "No, I'm not. I hate all flavors of marshmallows!" "Everyone buy marshmallows today and silence the hate!" "Burn down the village! Who's with me???"

Seriously, some of the threads on my neighborhood's Facebook page make Mussolini's speeches seem like lines from Mother Goose. I got choked in one of those threads once. It was my own doing and I regret it. (But I was right I tell you! Right!)

The fact is, comments are often opinions and opinions are like heiny… (I keep getting a misspelled squiggle there. The possible replacements are Heinz and heinz. Ok…) Opinions are like heinz holes: everyone’s got one and thinks everyone’s else’s stinks. 

Perhaps there should be more restrictions on comment boxes. Ones that would still allow you put in your opinion but only after asking: 
1. Is this what you meant to say? yes/no 
2. Are you sure? yes/no 
3. You know people can read this right? yes/no 
4. Have you read it to yourself out loud? yes/no 
5. Read it to yourself in an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent. Does the thought still bear the same weight? yes/no 
6. If yes to 5, please type in your comment. (insert comment) 
Well done. Your opinion will be posted in 24 hours.

Am I totally opposed to comment boxes? No. Of course not. This is the land of the free, home of the brave. We can say what we want. But I think the ability to do something is often confused with the necessity to do it. Just 'cause ya can, don't mean you should. 

If you can't disagree without getting all riled up, then maybe you shouldn't put your opinion out there. If your opinion has no other purpose than to hurt some one, then your keyboard should shock you and make you lose it in your pants.

That said (aaaaall of that...) I will go by the suggestion and ask for a comment. I don't want to. It makes me nervous. If no one comments, I will feel weird and awkward. Kinda like the time I was dancing like no one was watching then opened my eyes to see that in fact everyone was watching and had cleared the floor because of it!

Here is the question: (ehem) If you were to have a dating site, what would it be called? I will put mine in as the first comment so I will actually have a comment. (I really don't want to do this...)