The Best Parenting Book Ever

Nothing prepares you for parenting. Nothing. It's the most difficult thing you will ever endeavor to do. Part of the difficulty lies in the fact that there is no how-to manual. Oh

This would be the cover pic of my parenting book.
If you don't know why, you probably don't need
the book! 

sure, you will read books on parenting but, in my experience, they aren't terribly realistic. They are like magazines that have the call-out, Top Most Slimming Swimsuits, on the cover, then you turn to the pages and see they are modeled by women who have never said, "why, yes, I would like to super size that!"

If I were to write a parenting book, I might call it, Parenting for Dummies - You Are a Dummy, or The World's Okayest Parent! Not sure, still tossing around ideas. But, I know for certain these would be some of the chapters:

When You Don’t Know Who Did It

When You Know Who Did It but You Can't Prove It

When You’re Sick on the Toilet and A Kid Starts Screaming

When You Agree to Something While You’re Asleep

How You Ended Up with Guinea Pigs

So help me, child...

Perfecting Your "So Help Me Child," Look

How Not to Laugh While Fussing at Your Kids

What to Do When Your Kids Pee in the Sink as an April Fool's Joke

How Not to Laugh During a Teacher Conference

When You Discover Your Child Hasn't Worn Underwear in Months

Who's Poop is This? 

Hiding Places for Parents

When You Forget It's Your Turn to Bring Snacks 

Coffee Matters

Why Dad Always Gets to Sleep In and How to Make Sure the Kids Wake Him 

You are Always Wrong

How to Be Everywhere at the Same Time 

100 Kind Ways to Say Shut Up

When There’s No Toilet Paper

When All the Kids Vomit at the Same Time

All Your Friends Are Better Parents Than You

Chocolate Matters

You Have a Mini Van. Now What?

Why Everyone in the PTO Looks at You Like That

In truth, I think parenting is incredibly difficult because you're trying to do it right, because you love your children more than yourself, because you care. I try to remind myself of that. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure I'm messing up. But, at least I am aware of my ineptness. Something to be said for that, right?