My kids are at the age where party invites have slowly gravitated toward a skating rink theme. I couldn’t be more pleased. If I have to go to another pizza and video game deal with a creepy mechanical
animal band again, I will set my face on fire. (I had a business name here but my husband made me take it out for fear of a defamation lawsuit. I told him its only defamation if it’s not true and I really might set my face on fire and two, everybody who reads my blog knows most of what I say is tongue-in-cheek. Except in this case. I really hate that restaurant. But…I digress.)
His shirt reads, "zip"! Am I the only one that finds that hilarious. Normally I find simians on wheels kinda terrifying. (see below) |
Recently I went skating with both kiddos for the first time and here are some things I learned:
- A supposition I have long held was solidly reinforced: my kids think I am physically retarded. Whenever I show any
I had a pair JUST LIKE this.
They never fit well and I never
took them to the rink. I needs my
ankle support. - The rink still has the staples: a disco ball, flashing lights, crummy food and bathroom tile that is more difficult to traverse than The Grand Canyon.
- There are still girls skating in shorts just long enough to fit the definition. There are exactly two and they are friends.
- The rink refs still flirt with said girls in short shorts.
You know what that is in blue? It's a baboon on roller
skates and the protagonist of my next nightmare! - The DJ still thinks he wields the power of Thor. I can only assume they are all on, and always have been on, just enough pharmaceuticals to keep them from obsessively throwing their hands up and laughing maniacally. I say just enough because you can still hear the threat of such actions in their tone. In the 70’s, they didn’t take said medication and yes, every rink DJ did at some point throw his hands up and laughed like a crazy person. Usually during an AC/DC song. Or Funky Town. The later I think out of frustration.
- The glass ceiling of female skating rink DJs has yet to be broken. I pray the Susan B Anthony of Skating Rink DJ-ery soon rolls forward.
- The cool, low rise, speed skates have been overtaken by
Note all the in-line skaters. It's a real problem,
I tell ya! - They’ve come up with this PVC pipe deal that looks like a cruel joke for elderly little people. It’s basically a walker on wheels that fledgling skaters can use to help them skate. I see these contraptions as just another way we as a society are coddling our children. Kids should ride on the handlebars of their friend’s bikes (standing when possible), slide down a metal slide that holds the heat of a thousand suns and bust their rumps while skating. Yeah, sometimes you end up breaking a few bones, busting a few heads, irreparably damaging a growth plate or three. That’s life! These rolling walkers make the kids lean
Imagine trying to pass a half dozen of these
at once. It's an exercise in terror. - Kids still wear 80s clothes.
- There are still a couple creepy adults with mustaches on the floor that can’t seem to let go of their childhood. (Last week, that was me.)
No comments:
Post a Comment