DON'T Mind the Gap

The fam and I went to see a movie today at one of those movie and a meal gigs. I love those. Nothing like chowing down on food you can’t see.

At this particular theater, there’s a long counter sort of deal in front of you, then a small walkway for the waitstaff, then another row of seats and a counter, walkway etc., etc. Under the counter is a gap and on more than one occasion, because I have a bladder the size of a walnut, I have ducked through that gap into the waitstaff

See that gap under the tables? It's sizable, but you
have to get down low to get into it and if you are on
a riser, you have to step down from it onto the
walkway. It's kind of a tricky maneuver.

walkway to make my way to the facilities. It keeps me from having to walk by people in the American fashion and by that I mean, with my rump to folks’ snouts. I know in other countries they turn about face but I’m not sure how that is less offensive. I’ll take a bum in my face over what lies on the other side of that coin, if you know what I mean.

Today, the woman next to me had the same idea. She was going to duck under the counter and through the gap. However, unlike me, the poor gal had yet to put the idea to the test and, I got to be honest, I’m glad she hadn’t because that made me privy to her maiden voyage.

Now, if you don’t know me, I’m about the size and build of a strapping fourth grade boy. It’s the truth, I have embraced it. At 42, I’ve accepted this is all there’s gonna be and as such, I just make the most of it. One of the ways I do that is the duck under move I mentioned earlier. It’s my go-to escape at this theater when a retreat the restroom is required. However, even at my pre-pubescent proportions, the maneuver can be precarious. 

The gal next to me was not of my particular dimensions. She was an actual woman and hers was a size that did not seem fitting for the scenario.  She, however, was not of the same opinion. I heard her say she was going to the restroom and apparently, she looked at that little space, felt it doable and made her move. Into the gap she went. 

Well, she got deep into the process of it all and, although the lighting was scant, I saw her face the moment she realized she had made a grave miscalculation of not only the size of the gap, but herself as well. Her expression was one of shock, confusion and a third look I have not personally made as I would imagine it is one that can only come from this exact predicament. 

She froze, because, really, she had no other choice. She had one leg through the gap to the walkway and her arms outstretched still clutching her seat and I mean she was hanging onto that seat like it was the landing skid of a helicopter and she was a mile up in the air. The rest of her was all pulled together in a wad. It’s what I imagine is going on inside a turtle’s shell when it disengages. 

Ok, so, here's this poor woman, looking like she was being sucked into another dimension and her only hope for salvation is me and her teenaged son. And, let me assure you, that boy, he wasn’t making a move, so it was left to me and I got to be honest, I was confused as to what my responsibility was exactly. If I were to help, it might add to her already very depreciating circumstance. 

Thankfully, the woman started laughing signaling that she was still able to breathe - I had my doubts for a moment. The laughter altered her positioning and she began the process of freeing herself. Seeing her safe, I did what any lady would do, I turned my head toward my children and covered my face to silence my laughter. I’m not proud of it, but again, even sitting here clear-headed, I’m not sure what the protocol is when a person next to you in a dark theater just throws physics to the wind like that.

People, I’m all about taking a chance, doing a thing you aren’t entirely sure you can do. You don't know something until you know it. And, personally, I’d rather try something and get stuck than just sit and wonder if I’m gonna wet my pants.

Dare yourself today, readers. Don’t be mindful of the gap! It is not nearly as important as what is beyond it. Just wedge yourself straight into that sucker. If it works out, hey, you won, you beat the gap. If not, laugh it off and live to wedge again another day.