Lent - Day 10

If you're just now joining the show, my friend Jacqueline has been documenting her efforts to stop smoking. This is her latest update. She's Scottish. That said, you are obligated to read this out loud in the appropriate accent.

Once upon a time, doctors actually prescribed smoking,
especially to women, to help with mood swings.

Still going strong 

So, I haven't had a slip up since last Monday. Woohoo!! I am very proud of myself and my heart swells with pride knowing I have such wonderful family and friends supporting me every single day.  I don't feel like I am climbing this mountain on my own and for that I am extremely grateful.  I won't lie it hasn't all been plain sailing but the pros have definitely outweighed the cons.

Since starting NRT (smoking patch) I have been able to deal with my mental addiction while the physical addiction is being fed minus the carbon monoxide, tar and other nasties that cigarettes have hiding in them.

I get cravings maybe 5-6 times a day, and some are worse than others, but the one thing they have in common is - they don't last!  I haven't timed them but I'd say no more than a minute or two and it has passed.  I can get a little frustrated sometimes and my fuse is slightly shorter but I'm aware of this and have been working on counting backwards from 10!  Does it work? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but isn't that the same regardless if you smoke or not?   

There are definitely some side effects with the patches that can be unpleasant. For instance, my arm can get quite sore at the site, itchy and it can feel like it burns a little too but as the days go by these are less frequent.  In the beginning it felt like this the whole time I was wearing it but not now.  

I have also been sleeping with it on and this has caused some nightmares as well as weirdly vivid dreams that leave me feeling uneasy when I awake!  One in particular left me so upset that when I got up out of bed I couldn't get it out of my head. I kept replaying it over and over until finally, I went to the bathroom and  threw up!  Not great but it actually turned out to be exactly what I needed because I knew when I got up that morning that if I ever saw another cigarette in my life again it would be too soon! Seriously it was awful, I will spare you the details!

The above sounds like I'm torturing myself but honestly I haven't felt better!

What keeps me positive and pushing forward are the remarkable changes that are happening already.  Little things to anyone reading this but to me huge, huge!  For one, I can breathe better than I have in a long time.  I can take a deep breath without the occasional sharp pain searing through my chest like a knife.  I have a sense of smell, not as well as I

I don't know why people make such a big deal about
smoking. This 40 year old woman has been smoking
forever and is just fine!

should have but last week it was non existent.  I have energy and lots of it!  Now, don't get me wrong, I exercised hard everyday whilst smoking (not at the same time, obviously) but, by 2pm, I was done! Literally I would need a nap and if I didn't get one then I would be irritable.  I felt like an old granny (sorry mum). 

The big one for me though was "the fear" every time I lit a cigarette. I would worry what was happening inside, was I dying already? Had I triggered one of the many diseases this addiction can cause?  Would this cigarette be the one to give me a stroke, a heart attack maybe?  That fear is beginning to fade although I am aware I still live in that high risk category and will for a while, yet I know I am moving further from it and not closer to it.  That is good enough for me, for now. Oh and my feet are warm! They had been cold for so long.  :)

One of the things I believe has been essential to my current success is education.  I thought I knew everything there was to know about my addiction but as it happens I didn't.  I researched so many sites and read everything I could feast my eyes on. Now that I have educated myself into what is going on in my brain, body and psyche, I feel so much stronger and able to handle whatever is thrown at me. My confidence is growing by the day it's amazing, empowering and liberating.

So, although I am still in the woods I am not blinded by the trees anymore.  I can see daylight ahead and I am charging forward, staying positive and enjoying the freedom I have given myself.  If I smile on the outside I can't help but feel it on the inside so I will keep doing what I'm doing and rejoice in my victories one hour, one craving, one day at a time.