Lent - And So It Begins..

If you read my last post "Lent Screen," you will know I was trying to decide what to give up for Lent. And, I did. Sugar. It's a big deal. But, far bigger is what my beautiful friend Jacqueline is giving up. I can't say enough how proud I am of her to tackle this. Especially publicly. She's awesome like that.

This isn't going to be easy. We know it. A couple times a week we will post comments or a video of how we are fairing. Again, I do not feel this is something required of me or any human.  

This is why Jacqueline is giving up "fags".

Ok, so I have given this a lot of thought over the years and I mean years!! I am a twenty two year smoker.  I have smoked longer than I haven't and therefore have tried and failed many times to quit.  Over the years I have come up with many reasons why I NEED to stop, the usual ones like my health, for my daughter, for the memory of my father that hopefully he's looking down on me and can be proud of the woman I have become, for my mum a lifelong non smoker who has never understood my "habit".  All of which are very good reasons to quit so why did I never succeed?  The answer to this I have pondered and perused frustratedly to no avail, until now...
So here's an insight in to my aha moment!  I can give you two very real reasons why I WANT to stop:-

I want to be the very best version of myself that I can be (insert huge smiley face!) What I mean by that is I want to challenge myself in everything that I do now, I want to be better than I was yesterday.  I don't want to roll with the punches anymore being little miss average, I want to throw the punches and by that I mean make decisions based on what's best for me, that will allow the people who are important to me get what they need from me. In other words, by being in control of my happiness the domino effect will play out and my nearest and dearest will win by proxy.

I really wish I wasn't so limited in my writing skills! This sounds simpler in my head.

Secondly, I'm letting go of the "fear"
Fear of quitting, fear of the panic that will set in when I realize I no longer have my crutch, fear that I will somehow be less happy, less fulfilled! To a non smoker that sounds ridiculous but to every smoker out there totally plausible.  I am replacing my fear with joy as I tell myself I'm not giving up anything I'm gaining so much. Better health, self respect, strength, confidence to name a few.

I chose the beginning of lent as my quit day which is all about self sacrifice and remembering what Christ sacrificed for us but to be honest this is not a sacrifice, if anything, it's the opposite. Therefore, this lent will be a period of rebirth and not of reflection but courage and faith in myself.

If, however, I revert to type (spoiled little rich kid who doesn't like to share her toys) I will do it on Sundays!!!! - legal loophole!
But by Monday you bet your ass I'll climb back on and get my hooks in tighter.

Here's why I'm giving up sugar:

The thought of not putting sugar in my coffee and tea, not eating chocolate while I write, not nibbling on something sweet every single day of my life makes me a little panicky. My hands are sweating now. They only thing that I should hold onto so tightly is the Lord above. 

I'm not going to be looking at the label of everything for sugar as an ingredient, because it is in EVERYTHING. Bread, ketchup, donuts...there's a ton in donuts! Who knew, right? If I need a sugar fix, I will eat a piece of fruit and I don't mean the dried kind drowned in sugar. I will not eat sweet yogurt or sweeten anything with honey, stevia yadda yadda. (My throat is getting tight here and my eyes are tearing up.) 

But, if Jacqueline can be brave enough to quit a 22 year habit, and Maddie her chocolates, let alone Christ be brave enough to give up His life, I can let go of sugar. He really was brave, you know. I think we forget that. Somewhere along the way He was painted into some intergalactic hippy. He wasn't. He was peaceful but did not bring peace. He was tough. He didn't sugar coat anything. He was kind, but he wasn't nice. He knew what was happening when He was taken prisoner. He had always known how it would end. He did it. He could have stopped it at any time. That overwhelms me. And somehow, I still manage to forget it. How? How do I forget that?

When I want sugar, I will remember it. And I speak for Jacqueline and Maddie as well when I say that I might mess up. I might give in. But, it doesn't mean I will give up. On those days, I'll remember that God loves flawed people. We're the kind He uses. He doesn't look for perfection. He has that already. He looks for those who are willing. Simple as that. 

And so it begins... 

Feel free to comment on what you are giving up or just to tell Jacqueline how awesome she is or how attractive we both are without make-up!