Lent Day 1, The Struggle Begins

Day 1 - The struggle begins... (dum, dum, DUUUUUUUM!)

Jacqueline and I in "Escape from Alcatraz." Or,
as I like to call it, "Is That Your Foot???"

Jacqueline - cigarrettes

Last fag. Look how far I smoked it down! First and last photo
anyone will ever see of me smoking.

Got up this morning and did my usual routine, switching on the coffee pot, making breakfast for my girl and trying to pry my eyelids open!
First cup down and I'm starting to feel human of sorts and I want a "fag" but instead I smile put on some music and go wake up my daughter who is looking the way I did pre coffee.
There's a packet open on the counter so I quickly put them in a drawer out of sight along with the lighter. Done.
I'm not too bad as I'm busy tidying up, making beds and putting away breakfast dishes.
After school drop off I sit down to my own breakfast and purposefully take my time! I feel the second pang of withdrawal so I head to the shower and get dressed. All the while having this internal argument with myself that I'll just have one! Mentally I slap my own face and carry on getting organized.
It's now just after 9 I've been awake for 3 hours and only had 2 pangs so I'm thinking this is easy, I can do this.
I get to Ground Dwellers (our Brazilian Jiujitsu gym) just before class starts and the thought of smoking is non existent I'm focused on what's in store for me today.
Tough cardio class and I struggle with my breathing and make the joke " I think I breath better when I smoke" mentally slap myself again, my face is beginning to sting!
Three hours later and one kickboxing class and one BJJ class down and I'm feeling awesome but sore! Such is life.
Get home and automatically think coffee, smoke, let the dogs out.  It's so mindless and routine that I nearly do it. Can't see the packet then the fear floods in and I remember they are in the drawer. Do I just have the one? No one will ever know!! Then as  I'm about to leave a proverbial handprint on my sad, frowning face I decide to call my mum instead.
She gives me the gee I need, she says she knows I can do this and that's she is proud of me.
I would like to say that the fear is easy to keep down and that I am joyous but I am not. If I make it to tomorrow that may bring me some joy!
The real test is tonight when my husband comes home as he has not given up and the temptation will be at it's peak!!
Wish me luck

Carla - sugar 

It's just after lunch and I am not happy at all. Coffee and tea without sugar are abhorrent and should only be consumed as an effort to stave off a mortal illness and, even then, only if you know that after you're well, you'll get to drink them with sugar in them. SO, in giving up sugar, looks like I'm giving up caffeine. Who am I kidding? I will just drink them and gag.

I'm also struggling to write. I nibble on chocolate when I write. I don't even have to do this. It's not like it's a sin if I don't. And, I'm hungry even though I just ate.

Put clothes in dryer and almost grabbed a Dove. It's mindless. Routine... Wait, isn't that what Jacqueline said about cigarettes? Good grief. I think I'm literally addicted to sugar. I added up how much I ingested yesterday in chocolate, coffees, cereal and in sweet and sour chicken. It's a good 1/3 cup. Gross.

I do not care for this. I said that whenever I wanted sugar, I would think of Jesus. But, mainly, I'm just thinking about how much I want a piece of chocolate. But Jacqueline's giving up cigarettes which is way tougher. 

In the BJJ escape pictured, I literally had a hard time figuring out if it was her foot I was grabbing or my own. You'd think I'd know my own foot when I grabbed it. But, sometimes you get so tangled up, you cease to know exactly where you are in the knot, where you end and your opponent begins. That's how it is in life too. As it is on the mat, so it is on the earth.   And, on the mat, when you get lost in a knot, you just keep moving, keep working. You'll get out of it or get a lesson out of it. Either way, it's ok. There's no win or lose. It's win or learn.  

So, don't whine. Straighten your gi, tighten your belt and give it another go. Every round is a victory because you made the choice to be in it. But...that doesn't mean it won't really suck sometimes!

(I really want a donut.)